Author: James Patterson & Neil McMahon

Title: Toys

Publisher: Little, Brown & Company

No doubt about it, James Patterson has a good thing going. Having established himself as one of the publishing world's heavyweights, he's the proverbial 800-pound gorilla.

He's no longer an author; he's an industry. What one does with success, however, is where things really get interesting. Patterson - winner of the 1976 Edgar Award - has chose to take the Chef Gusteau route (Remember Ratatouille?), using his name as a brand and collaborating with no-name authors to produce several new books a year. If this seems like a prime gig, it is; Patterson himself admitted in a Time interview he doesn't write the first drafts of these co-authored works.

All that could be forgivable if Patterson still managed to produce mysteries fraught with tension, whodunits cracked by fallible, surprising characters, like Alex Cross or even Lindsay Boxer from his Women's Murder Club series. Unfortunately, Toys, Patterson's latest, co-authored with Neil McMahon, is no credit to his name, or his legacy. It's the Christmas present in the shiny packaging that promises hours of enjoyment, but breaks on New Year's Eve.

The premise of Toys could be termed sci-fi, if it offered a fresh vision for the future. It follows familiar territory: a futuristic society, where the singularity movement has created a new caste system: humans toil in poverty-stricken ghettos while upgraded Elites rule. Protagonist Hays Baker is one of those Elites, lab creations capable of super-speed and all sorts of whiz-bang gadgetry.

The plot gets going when Baker - a big-time Justice Department-type - discovers early on that he's less than meets the eye, born a human and then upgraded. This makes him an Untouchable in the eyes of his gorgeous, violet-haired wife Lizbeth and those he works for. Of course, Hays discovers this at the same time as the authorities, so from then on it's a Fugitive-type scenario.

First, Baker is running from the law, then once he digs up enough dirt on the true plans of President Hughes Jacklin and his minions, he's out to expose and bring down the evil regime. Baker has help from his long-lost sister, Lucy, in cracking Elite skulls and working his way close enough to Jacklin to exact his revenge. He does, and in the process discovers a dirty little secret about the high-tech toys everyone's mad for in this new society.

Patterson has long ago conceded those who crack open his work do so for the ingenuity of the plot and skillful handling of pacing and twists, not for the lyrical brilliance. But Toys falls so short in the craft department, it's hard to ignore. Hays' narration, which is meant to be cheeky and clever, slides quickly into juvenile territory. This is simply not a believable narrative voice. And the prose has many cringe-inducing moments. Any final manuscript which contains the word "Yippee!" as part of a narrator's commentary deserves one more edit.

I suppose what's really at issue here is what is tolerable for a good yarn. Granted, Patterson's crafted some doozies over the years, which should earn him some slack. But we also need to call a spade for what it is, to inspire better. This is one toy that should have been recalled.

*This review first published 3/29/2011