Author: James Patterson

Title: The Postcard Killers

Publisher: Little, Brown and Company

Author James Patterson has been called, "The Man Who Can't Miss," and it's easy to see why. He has sold over 170 million copies of his books around the globe; he consistently puts out hit after hit, including multiple titles a year. He is so prolific that in 2007 one out every 15 hardcover fiction books sold was one of his. Since that time he's made the New York Times best-seller list five times each year. If you measure his success by sales, this man is a literary god. If you measure it by quantity, you might think he sold his soul to the devil. If you measure it by the content of his latest book, you might believe he is Lucifer himself.

The Postcard Killers is a nothing more than a collection of unholy alliances. Though good reviews are not supposed to spoil the plots of good books, this novel simply doesn't qualify.

Unholy alliance #1 — Patterson can't continue to churn out book after book without help. He doesn't. Nearly 40 of his books have had co-authors. This book was co-written with Liza Makrlund, a Swedish journalist and author. You would hope that two popular writers would combine for something readable; maybe even a thriller that could be made into a Hollywood thriller like Patterson's Along Came a Spider or Kiss the Girls. This one couldn't come even close to be being made and hope to pass the scrutiny of the Motion Picture Association of America.

Unholy alliance #2 — Jacob Kanon is a crotchety old detective from New York City that has left his job to pursue his daughter's two murderers. As he chases the evil pair across Europe on their killing spree he becomes more withdrawn, more mentally unstable, and virtually homeless. Dessie Larsson, a Swedish journalist (hey, didn't I just type that in the paragraph above?) is drawn into the drama when the killers send a postcard to her newspaper, letting the public know that some unfortunate couple in Stockholm will be their next victims. Jacob, despite the fact that he has an aversion to showers—with way too much description given to how bad the American smells—not only becomes Dessie's crime fighting partner, but also her May-December lover.

If the smelly age disparity romance hasn't sent you to the showers, keep reading.

Unholy alliance #3 — Sylvia and Malcolm Rudolf are the killers in this story. They are mentally unhinged and scarily deviant. They have perfected a method of luring young couples into their trust, drugging and murdering them, and then displaying the corpses as famous works of art. Then they send Polaroids of their reality art to the local press. Patterson and Makrlund also go into sickening, lusty detail of the Rudolf's love life, which is even more revolting when it is revealed half way through the novel that they aren't actually married—they are brother and sister.

Patterson missed on this novel. The book jacket claims that this is "THE SCARIEST VACATION THRILLER EVER" It is, but not because it is a well written, cleverly told thriller. That a book this horrible made it to the best seller list only because of the author's name is what is terrifying.

For those of you who are Patterson fans don't worry about skipping this one; in the next seven months there are five more of his books scheduled to be released.
 

**This review first published Sept. 30, 2010